Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
