Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize