Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
