I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize