Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
