oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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