clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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