Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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