While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
