did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
