it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
