i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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