You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
