people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
