guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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