he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
