Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
