Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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