Pregnant stripper...not hot.
4 words: hood of his car
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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