**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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