Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
