there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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