Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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