i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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