She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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