Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
