we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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