We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
