I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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