I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize