Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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