It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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