She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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