This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
