Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
