Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
