Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
