Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
whose parrot is this?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
