Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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