wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
