I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
