nut hugger
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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