At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
