So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
