he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
