nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
