I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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