Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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