Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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