Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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