This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize