you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
