That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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