If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
