nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
