sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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