This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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