Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
