carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
