My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
