I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
