well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
