Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
