if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
