I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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