I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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