I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
