the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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