What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
