You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
