im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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