life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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