I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
